


And Then The TARDIS Fell Into Pete’s World.

by elisi



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Eleventh Doctor Era, F/M, Gen, Humor, I just wanted them all to meet, POV Rose Tyler, River Song Being River Song, and even deal with a few issues, and of course talk about stuff, but mostly it's fun crack, good oldfashioned crack!fic, post-s5, they all get along!, this is a fun story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisi/pseuds/elisi
Summary: The TARDIS falls into Pete’s World. Stuff happens. (I don’t know yet. It’s a thing in progress. Respect the thing.)
Relationships: Amy Pond/Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor/River Song, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 42
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, apparently I never posted this to AO3?!? Figured it was time I did something about that. Originally wrote this in 2010, and had a LOT of fun with it.
> 
> And **sapphicons** even made me an icon, way back then:
> 
> Might do as I have done previously and post a chapter every Saturday. Enjoy! :)

“Rose!”

He came running up to her - all frantic hair, joyous eyes and wide, wide grin - and she put her work aside, wondering how long this would take and whether she would need someone else to take over.

“Go on,” she prompted, and he shoved his New And Improved Timey Wimey Detector in her face, pointing to a row of blinking lights and some indecipherable symbols that were rapidly jumping around on the small screen.

“Look!”

She dutifully looked and tried her best to appear impressed.

“But what _is_ it?” she finally asked, and he waved the heavy machine around, nearly speechless in his agitation.

“It’s - well it’s impossible for a start, but it’s not like we haven’t faced the impossible before, is it?”

She noticed with concern that his excitement was tinged with a hefty dose of nervousness, but didn’t get a chance to address this as he grabbed her hand and yanked her away from her work station.

“Come on! To the teleport, stat!”

“Doctor-” she protested as he dragged her down into the bowels of Torchwood Tower where he kept all his projects, including the teleport bay they’d salvaged from a Sontaran ship. 

“Just hold this while I program it...” he said, throwing the New And Improved Timey Wimey Detector at her as he carefully started pressing buttons on the side of the teleport.

“Doctor! Didn’t you say that it’d be madness to use it for travel when Dad wanted to try, because it only works, like, one way and you’d have to travel back the long way round and the circuits keep cutting out...”

With a deep sigh she realised that he wasn’t listening at all, but then he jumped in, devil may care grin across his face, and she felt all her complaints melt away.

“Oh Rose. Just wait and see,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her as the machine released its energy, and she felt sure that even if he’d got everything wrong and they’d be floating around in space as atoms for ever more it wouldn’t be a bad way to go. At least they’d be together.

They re-materialised in perfect nick however, and for just a few seconds continued the kiss - until Rose opened her eyes and realised where they were.

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!” she said, pulling away from him and looking around Bad Wolf Bay with sinking heart.

The Doctor merely took the New And Improved Timey Wimey Detector from her arms and grabbed hold of her hand again, as there was a sudden gust of wind and the so-familiar-it-hurt cranking sound of ancient engines. 

For a second she just looked at him, her very own Doctor, the spitting image of the alien who’d left her on this beach (twice!) - right down to the brown pinstripe suit and the battered Converse. The two years that had passed since they last stood here held infinite amounts of history - so much joy and anguish, so many hurdles precariously crossed ( _who_ am I and _what_ am I and what do I _do_ now and I can die _just like that_ and how am I supposed to stay in _one_ place and live life _in the right order_ and Rose _help me_ and ooooh, can we have a puppy?) - and she wasn’t sure how to feel now. She had forced herself to focus on _her_ Doctor, on the man she had a future with, trying not to worry about the other - the ‘real’ - Doctor, so _sad_ and _lonely_ and _leaving her_ , just when she’d found him again...

Then she turned and saw the well known outline of the TARDIS slowly become solid, as she tried to ignore the almost painful grasp of her Doctor’s hand. (Putting on a brave front for her sake, she knew. Idiot.)

Carefully they walked across the sand, but the misgivings Rose had felt only intensified. The TARDIS looked... _wrong_. Its sides were a brighter, cleaner blue than she had ever seen them, and it had an odd round symbol on the door. St John’s Ambulance?

"Doctor? What is that circle-y thing?"

"It used to have one of those," he replied softly. "A long time ago. A long, long, long time ago...”

Reaching out, he didn’t quite lay his hand on the side of the ship, frowning in consternation.

“This could be very, very bad - if I accidentally cross my own timeline... I mean _this_ me shouldn’t meet one of the other me’s from the past. Or _you_! Can’t meet you early, that would jeopardise everything!” 

He pulled a face and nearly hit himself over the head as he attempted to pull the hand that still held the New And Improved Timey Wimey Detector through his hair, and Rose felt like banging _her_ head against a wall. One Way Teleports were A Very Bad Idea, but when had he ever listened? 

She didn’t get further in her musings as the door opened, revealing an attractive woman in an elegant and expensive-looking figure hugging dress and killer heels, her golden hair tumbling to her shoulders in soft, perfect curls.

Ignoring Rose completely she draped herself in the doorway, then smiled a wide, seductive smile aimed straight at the Doctor and said, voice a low, alluring purr:

“Hello Sweetie!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love re-posting fic. Here, have my notes from when I first posted this chapter (22 June 2010 - so between _The Pandorica Opens_ and _The Big Bang_. That was a long week):
> 
> 'The show is KILLING me, so I’m writing crack!fic. And discovered that Eleven is interesting and a little tricky to write, but very rewarding, and that Amy is the most fun to write _ever_! (Oh Amy, I ♥ you _too much for words_!) Also I love how, just by being their fabulous selves, they come across as _completely mad_. :) Rory of course is a sweetheart, and River continues to be awesome, because that's just the way she rolls.'

Rose, speechless and incredulous, slowly turned to her Doctor, waiting for the inevitable outburst that she knew was coming. The odd traces of Donna-ness in his nature were often a headache, but right now she was looking forward to the verbal dressing-down that would surely follow.

Except he didn’t look ready to shout at anyone - quite the opposite in fact. He was staring at the mysterious woman as if he’d seen a ghost, face pale and voice almost shaking as he whispered, “River?”

River chuckled appreciatively.

“The one and only. But - we’re in a bit of a fix, and apparently you’re rather... _handy_.”

She raised an eyebrow and let her eyes travel over the Doctor in a way that made Rose want to shake her. 

Then she abruptly turned and fixed her eyes on Rose.

“And you must be Rose - I’ve heard _all_ about you.”

She blinked. “You have?”

“Oh _absolutely_. Doctor River Song by the way. It’s an honour.”

She held out a hand and Rose shook it automatically, her antagonism turning to confusion.

Then River shifted to the side.

“But come in! Although I should probably warn you - it’s bigger on the inside.”

She winked, so self-assured and teasing that Rose couldn’t help glaring as she stepped over the threshold - only to be stopped in her tracks by the sight that greeted her. It _was_ bigger. _Huge_ , as a matter of fact, with gleaming copper-like walls and a new time rotor and levels and stairs...

 _Stairs._ At the top of which stood a gangly, odd-looking young man, with a floppy fringe and a bow tie, arms spread out wide like he was the Y in a rendition of YMCA. Next to him were a young man and woman leaning against the railings, but the peculiar one was the one who demanded their attention.

“Benevenuto! Welcome!” he exclaimed, before ambling down the stairs, beaming.

“Oh the _looks_ on your faces! This. is. _priceless_.”

Rose stared, mind oddly blank.

“...Doctor?”

The next second she found herself and her own Doctor wrapped up in a big hug.

“That’s me! Oh, it is _good_ to see you,” the odd New Doctor said, pulling back - one hand on Rose’s shoulder and one on her Doctor’s - looking from one to the other, eyes bright and curious and happy, as if they’d never been brown and silently longing...

“So how _are_ you? Married? Children? How long has it been for you?”

“’Bout two years?” Rose’s Doctor replied, completely unfazed. “And married, yes, children, no - although we _have_ talked about it...” 

He turned his head catching Rose’s eyes, and smiled in that way that made her feel like all the air had been sucked out of her.

A small incredulous noise escaped River.

“OK _now_ I believe he’s human!” she said shaking her head, disbelief written all over her face and looking at Rose’s Doctor like he had suddenly grown another head.

The New Doctor just laughed. 

“Excellent. I have to admit I was a tiny bit worried whether you’d manage to work things out, but it is _lovely_ to see how well you’re doing. Which reminds me-”

He took a step back, hands in pockets, and stood up as tall as he could, obviously posing. 

“What do you think? Still not ginger, of course, but not bad overall I think you’ll agree. And the ears stayed a decent size.”

Rose looked him over and tried to find the right words - words that didn’t include _‘I am now even **more** painfully, **impossibly** , grateful that you didn’t regenerate last time we met and I suddenly love **my** Doctor **even more** than before...’_, when thankfully her Doctor came to the rescue, pulling one of those ‘Time to tread carefully’ faces that he usually only used when talking to her mother.

“Um... Not bad. Very youthful, although no vegetable this time...”

He was cut off when the New Doctor abruptly cut in.

“Ah! A Timey-Wimey Detector!”

“ _New And Improved_ Timey-Wimey Detector, actually,” Rose’s Doctor said, holding it up, and the New Doctor grasped it excitedly.

“ _Ve_ -ry clever! Does it go ping when there’s stuff?”

Rose’s Doctor did his side-to-side head-bop thing as he tried to work out a reply.

“Weeeell, it’s more a sort of a ‘bung’, really. But you see I added light up buttons and a screen so it’s much more specific - we’ve managed to catch up with about 98% of time travellers since I got it up and running...”

The New Doctor started looking it over, almost cooing as he nodded along to Rose’s Doctor’s explanations, until a not-very-subtle cough behind him caught his attention.

“So Doctor, are we just going to stand here all day, or are you actually going to introduce us?”

The young couple had descended the stairs, and the girl - a determined-looking redhead with a Scottish accent and a _very_ short mini skirt - was obviously getting impatient. The new Doctor waved the New And Improved Timey-Wimey Detector around.

“Yes of course. Sorry. Sorry. Amy, Rory - please say hello to Rose Tyler and the Doctor. Doctor, Rose - this is Amy and Rory Pond.”

“Nice to meet you,” Rose said, trying to smile and suddenly knowing exactly how Sarah Jane had felt, and Amy nodded a polite and somewhat stifled, “You too,” and then there was a general shaking of hands all around, before Amy turned to New Doctor again, eyes narrowing.

“So - how come you never mentioned that you have a half-human clone of a previous you living in a parallel world?”

The New Doctor looked a little bashful and defensive.

“Well it... never came up until now. Nine hundred and seven, remember. I’ve been a lot of people and a lot of things have happened to me.”

Amy seemed to accept this, then tilted her head, studying Rose’s Doctor.

“But seriously, _that’s_ what you used to look like? Really?”

She looked rather skeptical and the New Doctor nodded, before suddenly trying to hit himself on the forehead and nearly getting a face full of New And Improved Timey-Wimey Detector. Looking at it stupidly for a moment he tossed it at River with a “Catch!”, which she did flawlessly and then started making appreciative noises as she began examining it.

But the New Doctor clapped his hands together and then nearly stabbed Rose’s Doctor in the chest.

“Take off your jacket!”

“What?”

“Go on - trust me!”

The New Doctor’s eyes were brimming with excitement, and after a moment Rose’s Doctor pulled off his jacket, clearly trying to work out where his other self was going with this and not being able to.

Taking the jacket out of his hands the New Doctor threw out his other arm towards Rose’s Doctor with ‘Look at me, aren’t I clever?’ written all over his face (an expression that apparently didn’t change from body to body) and announced:

“And I give you... The Raggedy Doctor. Except minus the Raggedy!”

This made no sense whatsoever to Rose, but the effect on Amy and Rory was unmistakable. Amy threw a hand over her mouth, her eyes widening quite improbably, and Rory looked shellshocked, pointing at Rose’s Doctor with a shaky finger.

“OK, that is... freaky. And kinda creepy. And... and _weird_. How-”

Amy wasn’t listening. Instead she was circling Rose’s Doctor, studying him like he was some strange new creature never seen before.

“Doctor. Explain!” she then demanded, and the New Doctor smiled at her.

“Well I crashed into your garden mere moments after I regenerated. Still cooking, remember? The clothes got torn because the TARDIS started to break apart.”

“So those were the clothes you _died_ in?” Amy asked, looking from one Doctor to the other, and the New Doctor pulled an impatient sort of face.

“Well if you want to macabre about it, _yes_.”

“How...?” Rose’s Doctor cut in, eyes dark and sympathetic, and the New Doctor looked at him silently for a long moment before answering.

“Radiation.”

Rose’s Doctor winced. “Again?”

“ _Again_?” Rose echoed, and the New Doctor sighed.

“Look we are _not_ getting in to all the ways in which I died, understood? It’s... not important.”

Rose nodded, somewhat taken aback at the brusque tone. Much more like her first Doctor, when he’d been in a mood...

“Actually,” Amy said, “if I may change the subject? How come you were re-born... or... ‘regenererated’, whatever, without a dress sense? I thought it was just an alien thing, but clearly that’s not the case.”

“I’m sorry?” the New Doctor asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

“ _He_ -” she pointed at Rose’s Doctor, “-is a fox! _You_ dress like a Geography teacher.”

“She’s right, you know,” River remarked, looking up briefly before getting distracted again by what was clearly her favourite new toy.

“Bow ties are cool!” The New Doctor announced breezily and authoritatively, as Rose’s Doctor smiled smugly ( _such_ a peacock!), and Amy rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air, her frustration palpable.

“It’s not just the bow tie! It’s... _everything_. I mean you’ve got assets, you’re just not... showcasing them.”

“...assets?” Rose couldn’t help asking, and Amy raised an eyebrow.

“Oh you should see him naked. No really!”

Rose could feel her jaw drop as she stared incredulously at them both, barely registering River’s low chuckle.

“I’m sorry, _what_?”

Rory - whom Rose had almost forgotten - coughed.

“He... was getting changed in a hurry, and there was nowhere to... well... And Amy...”

“ _Amy_ -” the girl in question cut in, “-doesn’t turn her back on a free show!” 

Before Rose could think of an even half appropriate response to this a dull, ominous clanging rang out.

She turned to her Doctor and they looked at each other in alarm, but the New Doctor merely held up a finger as if he’d been expecting this, and then proved that apparently he was incapable of speaking in anything except riddles as he smiled:

“And there we are. Five minutes to Belgium!”


	3. Chapter 3

As it turned out, ‘Five minutes to Belgium’ was some kind of Doctor-y shorthand for ‘We might experience some slight turbulence and then explode’, although the New Doctor was keen to stress that it’d only be ‘a very small explosion’, something neither Rose, nor her Doctor, found very reassuring.

“What happened?” Rose’s Doctor asked, and the New Doctor did a rather embarrassed sort of whole body shuffle thing that Rose had never seen before. He really was extraordinarily peculiar.

“Oh the usual. Ran into an old enemy with a grudge and a better-than-average plan, who somehow managed to throw us into the Void. _But_. We managed to get _here_ with minimum damage - the impending explosion apart - and since there’s _three_ of us now to work together, I’m sure we’ll have her back to normal in no time at all! So come on now, no time to lose!”

“ _Three_?” Rose’s Doctor asked, looking around as if he expected a third Doctor to pop out of thin air.

“He means _me_ , Sweetheart,” River drawled, and Rose’s Doctor did a double-take. 

“You mean-”

“ _Yes_ she can fly the TARDIS,” the New Doctor cut in rather impatiently, already working on the controls. 

“River, I need you to calculate the vectors for the time differentials. You can make moon eyes at me - _him_ me - later.”

River rolled her eyes and ran up the stairs, and in moments both Doctors and River were busy running around, twisting and tweaking. Soon enough Rose found herself - along with Rory and Amy - directed into holding and pulling and turning and _’for God’s sake don’t touch **that**!’_. Some things apparently never changed. 

Finally – after an intense couple of minutes – the TARDIS shuddered and jerked and clearly did whatever-it-was that it was supposed to do to stop whatever-it-was that was happening, if the giant burst of sparks was anything to go by.

“Ah! Excellent! Well done everyone!” the New Doctor said, clapping, and Rose let go of the four buttons she’d been pressing, only to be knocked off her feet as an aftershock hit, and - for good measure - banging her head against the rails as she went down.

Looking up through the stars dancing in front of her eyes, she saw two worried Doctors crouched down over her. Her own Doctor was gently propping her up as the New Doctor was scanning her with his sonic, which looked like it was glowing _green_. Just how hard had she hit her head?

“Rose? You with us?” her Doctor asked, and she grimaced a smile.

“Yeah, think so,” she said, before the New Doctor cut in.

“Say ‘aah’!” he demanded, and she stared at him dumbly.

“What?”

“Say ‘aah’!” he repeated, slowly, and feeling like a complete fool she did as he said.

“OK, you’re fine!” he decided, after carefully inspecting her throat, and then snapped his screwdriver shut and tucked it back into an inside pocket.

“Wait – was that a new one?” Rose’s Doctor asked and the New Doctor beamed and pulled it back out again, flicking it open and showing it off. Rose’s Doctor reached out and a second later the New Doctor was busy explaining how opening it was ‘all in the wrist’, and Rose just stared from one to the other.

Upstaged by a screwdriver...

“Hey – want a hand?” Amy asked, and Rose accepted the offer gratefully, pulling herself to her feet.

“Thanks. It’s this floor – how do you ever stay upright? I liked it better before.”

_‘And now my transformation to Grumpy Old Companion is complete’_ she thought to herself, as Amy tilted her head.

“What was it like before?”

“Oh it was... smaller than now. And sort of... corally. Like being inside one of those round shells. The console was all see-through and glowing green, and the floor was grated.”

River shook her head.

“The floor wouldn’t be a problem if he’d just use the stabilisers. But that’d be too easy... _You_ know what he’s like!”

She shot a fond look at the two Doctors, now busy discussing the pros and cons of their screwdrivers (Rose’s Doctor’s had taken _ages_ to create, but it worked pretty well), and utterly unaware of anything around them.

“See _this_ is why I married a human nurse and not an alien Doctor,” Amy said, entwining her hand with Rory’s. “No offence by the way.”

“None taken!” River replied, causing Rose to frown. Before she could ask what she meant, however, River grabbed her shoes from where she’d hung them next to the screen. “But will you excuse me? I really need to get changed. Good Lord I hope the wardrobe hasn’t moved _again_. Or ended up in the swimming pool...”

She swanned off up a staircase, in the process deftly kicking the New Doctor.

“Hey- new world. Find somewhere interesting!”

“What? Oh yes, of course.”

Not long after (Rose made sure to hold on tightly), they landed somewhere or other and River re-emerged, this time far more sensibly dressed.

The New Doctor walked to the top ot the stairs and looked around, making sure he had his Companions’ attention.

“River, Amy, Rory - welcome to Pete’s World!”

He lifted his hand and snapped his fingers - and the TARDIS door swung open.

Rose blinked and turned to her own Doctor, who muttered “Show-off” under his breath. 

Then the New Doctor swivelled on the spot, finger still raised, and pointed at her.

“Ah. Which reminds me. I might have to borrow some money.”

“Um... sure. What for?”

He smiled triumphantly.

“I’m going to buy a fez!”

Of all the things Rose had expected, this was the last. But River didn't look surprised at all, just slowly shook her head.

“Oh no, you’re not.”

The New Doctor looked at her determinedly.

“Yes I am.”

“No. You. Are. _Not_!”

“Yes I _am_! Fezzes are _cool_! And I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t shoot it. Again.”

River smiled dangerously and pulled a futuristic gun out of her handbag.

“Just watch me.”

Popping the gun back in her bag she tossed her curls over her shoulder and walked down the stairs, the New Doctor loping after her.

“Listen River, violence never solves anything-”

“Pot, kettle, darling!” River shot back and strode out of the TARDIS, the New Doctor following, waving his hands around.

“I do _not_ destroy perfectly innocent hats at the drop of a... hat. River-”

His voice faded out and Amy chuckled.

“Oh they are _so_ married!”

Before Rose could react to this (what did she _mean_ 'married'?), Amy grasped Rory’s arm excitedly. “Oh! Parallel universe. There could be another us out there!” 

“Amy- I don’t think that’s a good idea...” Rory protested as she dragged him down the stairs, and Rose turned to her own Doctor and shook her head.

“Is it just me, or are they all totally mad?”

Then she remembered that the neighbourhood kids were now banned from visiting after the incident with the sonic trampoline and the (failed) attempt at automatic sand, and cleared her throat.

“Actually - forget I said that.”

Just then the New Doctor stuck his head through the door.

“Come on you two! Not leaving _you_ in here all by yourselves.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Rose’s Doctor asked lightly as Rose took his arm and they, too, descended the stairs.

“Oh don’t pretend that you don’t know that _I_ know exactly what you are thinking!” the New Doctor said. “And I will _not_ allow it.” 

He shook his finger at Rose’s Doctor. 

“She’s had a very rough time of it lately poor girl, and she needs some rest.”

Rose’s Doctor looked vaguely guilty as they walked out the door.

“Would have brought her back,” he said petulantly, and the New Doctor shook his head.

“That’s what we always say.”

Just as Rose realised that they were talking about the TARDIS she got distracted from the conversation by the sight of her mother striding across the lawn from the Tyler Mansion (how did this qualify as ‘interesting’? Or had he got it wrong again?). 

Her mother didn’t stop until she reached the motley group, then looked them over, hands on hips:

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!”


	4. Chapter 4

For a few seconds there was silence as Jackie surveyed them in disbelief, but then the New Doctor took a step forward, grabbed hold of her shoulders, and kissed her firmly on both cheeks.

“Jackie Tyler, wonderful to see you! You haven’t changed a bit!”

This latest version of the Doctor obviously seemed able to do what none of the others had: Render Rose’s mother speechless. 

Although Rose was distracted from this unusual sight by a barely audible whisper from River.

“Oh _Doctor_ , you shouldn’t have...”

Jackie’s silence of course, was never going to last long.

“No...” she said, and the New Doctor smiled.

“Oh yes.”

“It’s not! Honestly, Doctor is that you?”

“The one, the only, and the best!” he said, winking at Rose’s Doctor who could only stare, stunned.

“...I’m sorry?”

The New Doctor’s face clouded over.

“Ah. Of course. Jackson Lake was _after_ your time. That was supposed to have been a little in-joke...”

Jackie shook her head and cut through his apology.

“So you’ve got new face? Again? Oh this is _ridiculous_.”

“Trust me, you don’t know the half of it,” River cut in, holding out her hand to Jackie. 

“Doctor River Song, and I am more thrilled to meet you than you can imagine.”

Jackie looked distinctly taken aback and cautiously took the proffered hand, looking River over from curly hair to sturdy, stylish boots, and seemed unable to make up her mind.

“Really? Why?”

River smiled widely.

“Before he met you he’d never been slapped by anyone’s mother, which I refused to believe, but he swore blind that it was true. Nine hundred years - thank goodness you came along to teach him some sense. What did he do by the way? He left out that part of the story.”

“Kidnapped her for a year!” Jackie replied, pointing to Rose, and River raised an eyebrow. The New Doctor looked uncomfortable.

“Just went off for a few adventures and, you know, meant to leave a 12 hour gap in her time. But the TARDIS... well, it ended up as 12 months.”

“Ah,” River commented drily. “The usual.”

Amy made an odd dismissive sound. “Only twelve months? Consider yourself lucky!”

“Excuse me?” Jackie asked. “And who are you?”

“Amy Pond. Nice to meet you. When I was seven years old he crashed into my garden. To cut a long story short, he _promised_ me to be back in 5 minutes.”

“How long was it then?” Rose asked, curious, and Amy lifted an eyebrow.

“Twelve years!”

“Twelve _years_?” Jackie repeated, incredulous.

“Look-” the New Doctor cut in, “the TARDIS was breaking apart, the engines were phasing...”

“Twelve years-” Amy said, in the tone of voice that showed that she knew she was going to win the argument, “-and four psychiatrists.”

“ _Four_?” Jackie said, eyes widening, and Rory pulled an embarrassed face.

“She... kept biting them.”

The New Doctor dragged a hand through his hair.

“But we re-wrote time...”

“ _Still_ had the psychiatrists Raggedy Man,” Amy countered.

“You _re-wrote time_?” Rose’s Doctor cut in, shocked, and the New Doctor beamed.

“Ah yes. The universe was ending so I rebooted it. Big Bang 2! One of my _better_ ideas, if I say so myself.”

“Apart from the part where you erased yourself from existence,” Amy observed, and the New Doctor smiled triumphantly.

“Ah but I had _you_ , didn’t I?” he said, tapping her nose. “The Doctor and Amy Pond, and the days that came after all.”

“You... _erased_ yourself...” Rose’s Doctor echoed, faintly, grasping onto Rose’s hand with more vigour than usual, and the New Doctor opened his arms to encompass them all.

“I did, but it all worked out as you can see. Brilliant story! A _fairy tale_ as a matter of fact. Why don’t we go get a cup of tea and tell you the whole thing?”

“Story time is all well and good Doctor,” Jackie chimed in, “but thanks to you I’m going to be late picking up Tony from school.”

She shot the TARDIS a speculative look. 

“Unless you wanna give us a lift?”

The New Doctor looked alarmed.

”What? No no no. She needs rest.”

Jackie frowned.

”She who?”

”The TARDIS! We just fell through the Void, and before that-”

Jackie folded her arms. “Oh come on, we’re just picking up one little boy and not even going anywhere weird, just a few miles down the road. I’ll never make it in the car now, the traffic at this time of day is just _atrocious._ ”

The New Doctor looked torn, but River shook her head and pulled out a TARDIS key.

“Oh stop being difficult, Darling. If it’s that much of a bother _I’ll_ take her.”

Jackie turned to her sharply.

“What? You can fly that thing?”

River just smiled enigmatically and opened the door, and the New Doctor sighed deeply and waved his hand at River.

“Very well. Go on in! I’m coming.”

Head held high in triumph Jackie walked through the door, and then stopped.

“Oh. My. _God_. You’ve redecorated!”

The New Doctor smirked as she turned around in the doorway, staring at him, but his face fell as she continued.

“Do you think you could do something about my kitchen? I’ve had the builders in for weeks now, and they’re bloody useless! And Himself-” she pointed at Rose’s Doctor, “-just hides and says he doesn’t have the right tools.”

The New Doctor looked like he was trying to find the best way of saying ‘Absolutely not, no way, and also never!’ when River answered.

”Of _course_ he’ll help,” she said, eyeing the New Doctor, eyes dancing. “For a start sonic screwdrivers are just _wonderful_ for putting up shelves.”

Jackie slowly looked from one to the other.

“Listen - are you two married or something?”

For the longest moment no one spoke. The New Doctor was watching River with the most peculiar look on his face - part deer-caught-in-headlights, but (bizarrely) more like he was genuinely curious as to what her answer would be. 

Finally River turned back to Jackie.

“It’s... complicated. Let’s just go with ‘Or Something’ for now. But come in and tell me where your son’s school is...”

When the two women had vanished inside, the New Doctor leaned sideways into Rose’s Doctor’s personal space, hands clasped together.

“I feel a sudden urge to apologise profusely for abandoning you here,” he said, and Rose’s Doctor lifted his eyebrows to comical heights.

“Better late than never, I suppose...” he replied, studying the New Doctor cooly, before the familiar devil-may-care smile lit up his face and he slapped the New Doctor’s back.

“Nah, I’m just kidding. Love it here really. And - you might not know this - but I’ve got a bit of Donna’s voice tucked away, and that can shut up even Jackie Tyler, trust me.”

“Good. Good,” the New Doctor replied, not looking like he was feeling any better at all, and then Jackie stuck her head round the door.

“Look are you coming? Clock’s ticking.”

“It’s a _time_ machine,” the New Doctor complained, shoulders hunched in frustration as he followed her inside, “How many times must I explain it?”

Then, a few seconds after the door had closed, the New Doctor opened it again, searching out Rose’s eyes.

“Rose - be a dear and pop the kettle on? I think I’ll be needing that cuppa a great deal by the time we get back.”

“Um... sure,” she replied, and he gave her happy thumbs up before abruptly rolling his eyes (presumably at something Jackie had said) and shutting the door again, the TARDIS cranking out of existence a moment later.

_‘Great. I’m now the Doctor’s **Tea Lady** ,_” Rose thought to herself, and tried her best to smile at Amy and Rory. It wasn’t _their_ fault that the Doctor was now a weirdo with a bow tie.

“Um... Doctor?” Rory asked, clearly a little unsure how to address Rose’s Doctor, but looking relieved when the response was an encouraging nod, “I don’t mean to be rude, but... would you mind explaining why there are two of you?”


	5. Chapter 5

“Now that _is_ a good story! The Story of The Two Doctors,” Rose’s Doctor began, beaming, as he led them up the garden path. “Or the three Doctors rather, if we count Donna…” he faltered slightly, then looked at Rose and re-gained his smile. 

“ _And_ Rose of course. It’s a long story, but if we’re making tea anyway...”

“Actually-” Amy cut in, “could the story wait? Rory and I thought we could go exploring. You know - find our other selves and see how they’re doing.”

“Well _Amy_ thought that it’d be fun,” Rory said, a little nervously, clearly wanting to distance himself from the idea.

“Ah,” Rose’s Doctor began, running a hand through his hair as he stopped walking.

“Now. I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

Amy stopped too, slowly folded her arms and looked Rose’s Doctor over from head to foot.

“Not ‘let’ us? Who do you think you are?”

“I’m the Doctor!” he answered, chin held high, and Rose couldn’t help a tiny smile of triumph, still remembering far too vividly all the days when he’d felt he was nothing at all.

Amy, however, was clearly not impressed.

“Well you’re not _my_ Doctor, and quite frankly I’d like to see you try to stop me.”

“...I’m sorry?” Rose’s Doctor asked, flummoxed. “Listen, I’m not trying to be a kill-joy, but your other selves could... Well, just trust me that you shouldn’t meet.”

Amy’s eyes narrowed.

“ _Trust_ , Mister, is something that needs to be _earned_ , did no one ever tell you that?”

“But...” the Doctor began, searching for words, but Amy wasn’t finished.

“Oh I know you’re brilliant, but you’re not exactly infallible. Also, if it wasn’t for _me_ , you wouldn’t even _exist_ ,” she poked his chest with a finger, “so back off, understood?”

The Doctor stared at her.

“Good _grief_ , are you always this impossible?”

Rory carefully reached out and put a hand on his wife’s arm.

“Amy...”

Amy however ignored him completely, leaning forward and looking straight into the Doctor’s eyes.

“ _Yes_ ,” she answered. “Are you always this rude?”

A beat, then a smile slowly spread across the Doctor’s face. 

“Oh yes. Rude and not ginger, that’s me!”

For a moment Amy seemed unsure how to respond to this, then nodded curtly.

“OK. Now, please explain why we shouldn’t find our parallel selves.”

The Doctor shot Rose a swift look, clearly a little unsure how to deal with this, but then Rory came to his rescue.

“Well it wouldn’t be fair to them, would it? I mean, we get to go off travelling, and they’ll be stuck here. And parallel you might not... appreciate that.” 

Amy looked at him speculatively.

“I suppose you have a point,” she conceded and the Doctor swiftly jumped in.

“Precisely! And there’s also the fact that you don’t know if, well, if you’re together here. Or even here at all!”

Rory and Amy suddenly tensed, their hands finding each other’s instinctively, but then Amy shook her head defiantly.

“No. The Doctor fixed the cracks, we’ll be here.”

Rose’s Doctor tilted his head.

“Cracks?”

“That’s part of _our_ story,” Rory explained. “It’s... complicated. But we are here, definitely.”

Rose, realising that they didn’t understand what the Doctor meant, decided to explain a little more.

“Maybe, maybe not - _my_ parallel parents here got really rich and never had a daughter. So maybe your parents didn’t either... Or something happened and you never got together.”

Amy clearly thought that this idea was ridiculous and shook her head again, as stubborn as ever.

“Oh we’re here. And we’re together.”

“But you can’t know that!” the Doctor said, and Amy turned to Rory and smiled. He matched her smile and replied, voice soft but unshakably confident.

“Yes we can.” 

Turning to Rose and the Doctor he continued.

“Sorry, but you don’t know us.”

“We have the best story _ever_!” Amy added, smiling proudly. 

The Doctor looked from one to the other, and Rose knew the look on his face far too well. He was going to play the I’m-more-brilliant-than-you game. Again. Would he never get tired of it?

“Did it, by any chance, involve one of you travelling across dimensions?”

“No…” Amy said slowly.

“Ah. Well then Rose and I might have you beat.”

Amy pursed her lips, looking speculative.

“Did you die?”

“How dead are we talking?” Rose asked, and Rory coughed a little.

“Very.”

The Doctor studied them, clearly enjoying himself far too much.

“Can I ask which one of you died?”

“Both of us,” Amy answered coolly. “ _Twice_.”

“Well the first time it was just a dream,” Rory cut in, and Amy rolled her eyes.

“We didn’t _know_ that!”

“That is true...”

Rose sighed.

“Well _I_ am going to go make some tea now. Why don’t we all go inside and we can tell our stories with a nice cuppa to warm us up, instead of standing around on my parents’ lawn, yeah?”

“ _That_ -” Rory said, emphasising his point with a raised finger, “is an _excellent_ idea.”

***

An hour later they were still talking. They’d made tea, and drunk it, along with what biscuits Rose had been able to unearth from the corner of the kitchen that wasn’t a building site, and Rose and her Doctor had told pretty much the whole of their story – jumping back and forth between old adventures and new, with Amy and Rory thankfully able to keep up most of the time.

They were so busy talking that they never noticed the sound of the TARDIS engines, and didn’t realise that the others were back until the door to the sitting room burst open, revealing the living whirlwind that was Rose’s little brother. 

Her little brother who was wearing what looked like an upside down flowerpot on his head...

“Rose! We went to the cinema and saw Aladdin, but it was in past and it was _so cool_ and then we went shopping and look, the Doctor bought us hats like Aladdin’s, but mum said that I couldn’t have a monkey like Abu even though the Doctor said that he could get me one if she said yes...”

Taking her eyes off Tony’s animated features for a moment, Rose saw the New Doctor walk through the door, a fez proudly on top of his head too. River followed, walking straight past him and shooting Amy a look of warning.

“Don’t. Say. A. _Word_. He found an ally.”

The New Doctor beamed. “Indeed I did. Tony - how do you like your new hat?”

“It’s brilliant! Fezzes are _cool_!”

Then he noticed Amy and Rory and ran off to talk to the strangers, helping himself to a handful of biscuits on the way. 

Jackie walked through the door a moment later as the Doctor and River, with unconscious synchronicity, seated themselves in adjacent armchairs. 

Jackie shook her head. 

“Oh Lord, I need a cuppa! Rose dear, tell me that there’s some left?”

“Well there is _some_ , but I’m not sure how hot it is,” Rose said, as her Doctor leaned forward inquisitively, eyes darting between Tony and the New Doctor.

“So… what happened?” 

The New Doctor smiled. 

“We went to see Aladdin. In 1992, when it was still on in the cinema.”

“Do you remember when I took you, Rose? You were about Tony’s age,” Jackie cut in, looking up at Rose who was handing her a tea cup. “I swear, this time travel thing messes with your head.”

“I don’t think that justifies trying to poison me!” the New Doctor said, with a frown, and Rose blinked.

“Sorry what?”

“She bought something called ‘sweet popcorn’,” the New Doctor said, barely suppressing a shudder, “– hideous, hideous stuff, and it took me half the film to get the remnants out of my teeth.”

River reached out and patted his arm.

“It’s terrible how you suffer,” she observed drily, and the New Doctor shot Rose a pleading look.

“Rose – you used to care about me, didn’t you? Do you think you might have something nice in your kitchen for your poor old Doctor? Fish custard maybe? I need to get rid of the aftertaste.”

“Some _what_?” Rose asked, as River rolled her eyes and turned to Rose’s mum.

“Jackie? I _love_ your house - would you mind giving me a tour?”

“Sure,” Jackie replied, emptying her cup. “Although I’m afraid it’s not as fancy as the TARDIS…” 

“Having rooms that don’t move is not a drawback in my world,” River said, with a smile. “But I must confess to an ulterior motive - I’m trying to compose a paper on the evolution of ancient architecture, but what with all the running around it’s kinda ground to a halt. This would be a wonderful addition to my research – I don’t suppose you have the original architectural plans?”

Jackie shook her head mutely and then noticed Tony’s pile of biscuits.

“Oh no you don’t, young man!”

“But mum-“

“You can go get your homework, you cheeky little so-and-so.”

Tony’s face fell. “Can’t I come with you, showing the house to River? Oh and Amy and Rory can come too, because they’ve never been in a house this big and I promised Rory to show him my Legos and Amy said…”

“Fine! The more the merrier,” Jackie said, throwing out her arms, and Amy and Rory laughed as Tony grabbed their hands and pulled them out of their seats. 

But when he tried the same trick with his fez-wearing new friend, the New Doctor shook his head.

“I think I’ll sit this one out, Tony. I’m not exactly as agile as you or Aladdin.”

He patted Tony’s fez with a smile and Tony grinned and then ran off, calling to the others to come and see his bedroom. They all followed obediently, apart from River who turned in the doorway and told both Doctors to behave themselves. When the door closed behind her Rose turned to her own Doctor, determined to get some answers.

“So… how do you know her? You’ve never mentioned her.”

Something close to worry or guilt shot across his face.

“I… _don’t_ really know her, to be honest…” 

He looked at the New Doctor. 

“And actually I was wondering, Doctor… I mean, you seem to… if you don’t mind talking about it…”

The New Doctor studied Rose’s Doctor silently, then tilted his head a little.

“Amy and I went to Planet One,” he finally said, and Rose could almost _feel_ the disappointment that surged through her own Doctor, as he realised that his other self wasn’t prepared to share. Then he suddenly sat up more straight.

“Planet One? Why did I never-? Rose! I should have taken you there!”

“What’s Planet One?” she asked and he turned to her, excitedly.

“Oldest planet in the universe. It is said that there is a cliff face of pure diamonds, bearing the oldest writing in history. Letters fifty feet high carved into the rock, never translated…” 

He turned back to the New Doctor, eyes bright.

“What does it say?”

The New Doctor leaned further back into his armchair, hands folded across his stomach and the fez now at a jaunty angle on his head. He looked utterly incongruous, and the smile on his face was one of thinly disguised glee.

“ _Hello Sweetie_ ,” he announced, and Rose’s Doctor’s jaw dropped.

“You mean…”

“She needed to get my attention.”

“So she graffitied the oldest cliff face in the world?”

“Exactly,” the New Doctor said, clearly immensely proud. “In answer to your question: _That’s_ my River.”

“Right…” Rose’s Doctor said, and the New Doctor leaned forward.

“It’s a game. _The_ game. The one we always play, and she is _magnificent_!” He paused, suddenly frowning. “But don’t tell her I said that, or she’ll get ideas. And she’s got enough of those already.”

"Wait," Rose said, unable to help a teasing smile. "You said she was yours. Does that mean that you are... _married_?"

The New Doctor shifted in his chair, hands flexing and betraying his discomfort.

“Well _she_ is married, I’m not. And considering what she's like, I honestly don't know what to make of it. Time will tell, I suppose."

Rose's Doctor was about to speak when suddenly the door burst open again and the lady in question strode into the room, some kind of rectangular technical gizmo in her hand.

“Sweetie?“ she said, holding it out to the New Doctor, “I think we have a problem.”

A second later the big screen above the fireplace switched itself on and Rose’s father’s face appeared.

“Doctor? Oh you’re there. Good. We have a problem.”

The two Doctors looked at each other, and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here comes the meta! *g* (If you know me at all, you'd be aware that it was inevitable. And with all these characters brought together there was no way I wasn't going to delve into the issues...)
> 
> Hope you like. :)

“Could you specify what _kind_ of problem, Pete?” Rose’s Doctor asked. 

Pete leaned forward, his face – complete with worried frown - huge on the screen. Rose silently prayed that somehow they could sort this thing out before her mother returned from showing the house off to Rory and Amy. She inevitably got very worried whenever Pete had that particular look on his face… 

“The alien kind, I’m afraid. That clever detector you set up for us has traced a signal… It’s far off, but quite distinct.”

“Just past Jupiter, and advancing fast,” River cut in. “Chelonian vessel, medium size, no official codes or standard greeting messages as far as I can tell.”

She was reading off the screen of her small, handheld device, and the New Doctor was instantly at her side.

“Interesting. Could be a contingent of their peaceful faction if we’re lucky. Hang on.”

He brought out his screwdriver and buzzed it.

“See if you can get anything more indepth. Hacking into their systems might be tricky, but if they’re heading this way…”

“And who might the Chelonians be when they’re at home?” Pete asked, and Rose’s Doctor began filling in. Apparently they were some kind of cybernetic humanoid tortoises who (as usual) loved warfare and thought that humans were useless parasites. Except with time they’d go all peaceful and devote themselves to flower arrangement.

Sometimes Rose wondered if the Doctor didn’t just make stuff up on the spur of the moment – it wasn’t as if anyone could contradict him. Flower arranging, _really_? Except- the other Doctor was here….

She turned, just in time to see the New Doctor hold out his arm to River.

“Shall we Dear?”

“Oh I think so,” River replied, smiling and taking his arm as she pressed a button on a familiar-looking wrist strap.

“Wait-” Rose cried and her Doctor pivoted on the spot, as the couple disappeared in a flash. He stared wide-eyed at the now empty air.

“What? How?”

“River had one of those… what’s it called? A teleport thing like Jack had…” 

“A vortex manipulator?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“What’s all this?” Pete asked and Rose’s Doctor turned round again, completing an on-the-spot circle.

“The one in the bow tie was me. Well, the original me, he regenerated and then dropped in unexpectedly, and now he’s gone and swanned off that spaceship along with River – she was the one with the comm unit…”

Pete, as always unflappable, tilted his head. “Surely that’s a good thing? If he could neutralise the possible threat-”

Rose’s Doctor didn’t have time for a response as the screen flickered, blanked out, and then the New Doctor’s face appeared, a blocky spaceship interior behind him.

“That’s it River! Super!”

He smiled down at them.

“Sorry about running away like that, you know how it is. And the TARDIS does need a rest. Hang on…”

His attention was caught by something outside their view, and he frowned.

“But-” Rose’s Doctor began, as the New Doctor began muttering to himself and then shouted over his shoulder at River to come on, quickly – he needed about five more hands.

“Well I’m right here,” Rose’s Doctor continued, “and I’m very handy.”

The New Doctor shook his head, obviously carefully fiddling with something below the screen.

“Oh dear me no, you are the last thing we need.”

“ _…what?_ ”

It was more of a breath than a question, and Rose could see all the issues from the past few years instantly rear their ugly heads. 

There was a beat, then the New Doctor looked up, gazing straight at his former self, eyes inscrutable. For a long moment they looked each other silently, before the New Doctor lowered his eyes once more, talking swiftly.

“Well, this could become very dangerous, since they’re _not_ a peaceful faction, and if anything happened to you, Rose would never forgive me. Remember, you’re only human now. Only one life.” 

He glanced up, finger raised. 

“Plus, technically you’re only two years old.”

“Doctor!” River’s voice cut through, “I think they’re coming!”

“Excellent!” He soniced something or other, and Rose could hear River shouting impatiently, voice almost a growl. 

“Doctor – _now_!”

“See you in a mo,” the New Doctor smiled, and the screen went black.

Turning to her own Doctor. Rose saw that he had become very very still, narrowing eyes focussed on the now blank screen.

“Something is rotten in the state of Gallifrey…” he muttered, eyes slowly finding their way to her face.

“I’m sorry?” she asked and he shook his head, eyes distant.

“Something is wrong, something… I wasn’t sure, but it’s obvious now. He resents me, something about me, but _what_?”

Rose bit her lip. “Well you’ve got _me_ …”

“No that’s not it,” he replied, absentmindedly, as he dragged a hand backwards through his hair. 

“Right. ‘Course not,” she said, trying her best not to sound too bitter – of course it’d not be _her_. It wasn’t as if she’d crossed universes for him or anything. Could it be only two years since they’d run towards each other on that abandoned street? This strange New Doctor behaved as if it was centuries. Not that she wasn’t happy that he’d… _moved on_ , and she really didn’t want the two of them to be fighting over her or anything, but… 

Then Pete re-appeared on the screen, looking a tad puzzled. 

“What just happened? There was some kind of transmission – we traced it to the ship, but then-“

“Oh that was the other me,” Rose’s Doctor explained impatiently, “they’re onboard and should have it sorted out soon, I hope. Don’t worry about it.”

“Very well,” Pete answered. “Although I’ll keep monitoring the situation.”

“Sure, fine,” Rose’s Doctor replied, mind clearly elsewhere, and Pete took the not-so-subtle hint and excused himself.

Rose with sinking heart recognised the darkly inward look on her Doctor’s face far too well. It appeared so much less now, but it could mean days – or even weeks – of brooding… Of course she loved him, but there were limits to how much she could cope with. And he’d been doing so _well_ – why did the New Doctor have to come crashing into their lives like this? It'd play havoc with her work schedule...

Thankfully her mother – Amy and Rory in tow, and Tony bouncing ahead – chose that moment to return and the Doctor had nowhere to run, as she immediately started talking at both of them.

“Rose! I can’t believe I didn’t tell you this already. Honestly, I’m losing my mind, but that’s not really surprising is, what with inter-dimensional visitors dropping out of the sky.” 

She noticed Rory opening his mouth, clearly getting ready to apologise, and patted his arm.

“Oh I don’t mean you, sweetheart. Honestly Amy, you’ve got yourself a keeper there – it really is almost impossible to find a good man these days. But that reminds me what I was going to say – Rose! While we were at the cinema, the Doctor told me about how our Mickey is doing - you’ll never believe it, but he’s married!”

“M… married? Mickey?” Rose stammered, once more blindsided by the way things never stayed the same. Everyone moved on…

“Oh and you’ll never guess who to!” her mother continued, eyes wide with excitement. “That Martha girl – you know, she was there when-”

“Martha?” Rose’s Doctor exclaimed, abruptly torn out of his musings. “My Martha? And Mickey? Oh that’s _brilliant_! Fantastic! What about the others? Did he say anything about Donna?” 

Jackie considered this, hand on hip.

“She’s also married – can’t remember the name, something Temple. And Sarah Jane _almost_ got married – he didn’t really explain that, but said her fella was really great and very brave, so I guess he died.”

“And Jack?” Rose asked, but her mother only shook her head mutely.

“Jack’s story isn’t yours anymore,” a voice said behind them, and they all turned to find River and the New Doctor standing in the middle of the floor once more. The New Doctor looked a little singed around the edges, and he’d lost his fez, but otherwise they seemed OK.

“You’re… back?” Amy said. “Where’d you go?”

“Just some Chelonians that needed a bit of… persuasion. They’ve now wisely decided to leave Earth alone.”

River smiled to herself – a smile not entirely unlike Jack’s, Rose realised – as she removed her wrist strap and carefully stored it away in her handbag. 

“You were very quick,” Rose said, and River chuckled. 

“Cheated a little – but really, what’s the point of being able to travel in time if you don’t break the rules a bit? From what I’ve heard he bent quite a few rules for you…”

Vividly recalling the near-fatal fallout from her desire to see her father Rose smiled politely and tried to look less uncomfortable than she felt. To her great relief her Doctor decided to cut in.

“We need to talk,” he said, addressing the New Doctor.

River looked from one Doctor to the other, and raised an eyebrow.

“Ominous words, those, Doctor, coming from yourself…”

For a moment it looked like the New Doctor was going to attempt to weasel out of it, but then he sighed deeply and held out a hand towards the door.

“Lead the way. I’m presuming you don’t want to discuss things with an audience.”

Rose’s Doctor nodded and grabbed her hand. 

As they left, Rose heard Amy call out, “Hey Doctor – you want us to look out for any evil alien pensioners?” which made no sense whatsoever, but caused the New Doctor to chuckle and then look very sombre. 

A little later the Doctor found a suitable room – one of those that had no purpose that Rose could figure out, but still needed expensive furniture - and the New Doctor cast a cautious look at Rose.

“You sure you want her here?”

“Where I go, Rose goes,” her Doctor replied, folding his arms and studying the New Doctor coldly. “So - talk. And don’t pretend that you don’t know. ‘Last person we need’? I want an explanation. There’s more to this than our usual squabbling.”

“'Usual'?” Rose asked, puzzled. 

“Get a few different regenerations together and everyone starts arguing,” the New Doctor explained, and her own Doctor shook his head.

“This is not an argument about ridiculous clothing choices - I want to know why you won’t look me in the eye!”

There was a long, rather uncomfortable pause during which the New Doctor seemed unable to work out which way to arrange his limbs.

He finally decided to grasp onto the table behind him, watching Rose’s Doctor with a look she couldn’t work out.

“After I left you I had the worst year of my life. And I mean that quite literally. I’d lost… everyone and, being several kinds of a fool, decided to travel on alone. That lasted for a good while, and I thought it wasn’t too bad. Well, comparatively. But then one day I ended up on Mars, on the single worst day possible.”

Rose’s Doctor nodded slowly, sympathy in his eyes.

“Oh. I see.”

The New Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, then slowly continued.

“Should have left immediately, of course, but it was _Adelaide_. Just as extraordinary as you’d expect. Moreso, to be honest. And… And then I watched them die, one after the other. I explained to Adelaide why I couldn’t help, and tried to walk away, but then…”

He looked up, caught Rose’s Doctor’s eyes.

“Then I realised – there was no one to stop me anymore. I _won_ the Time War. _Me_. So…” He made a sweeping motion with his hand, “I saved them. Well those that were left. Adelaide, Yuri and Mia. Took them back to Earth.”

“ _What?_ ” Rose’s Doctor asked, incredulous. “Did you… did you _actually_ go insane?”

The New Doctor let his hand fall down.

“I think so, yes. Didn't feel like insanity. Felt like... _finally_ , everything made sense. Guess it's how the Master sees the world... The freedom is extraordinary. But then Adelaide killed herself. That’s what brought me back down to earth.” 

Rose’s Doctor shook his head mutely, as the New Doctor’s eyes narrowed.

“Something wasn’t right with me. Or with the me-who-was-you, rather.”

Abruptly he turned to Rose, who’d been feeling rather lost and forgotten. Who were these people and how come her Doctor knew them if he’d never met them?

“How is he doing? You know, you mustn’t let him brood, it’s very bad for him. He gets ideas. Doesn’t know when to stop.”

Her own Doctor’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me, but _I_ haven’t been walking around breaking the Laws of Time!”

“Well you are me, or rather, I was you, and I _know_.” 

The New Doctor leaned in, studying his other self with unnerving concentration. “ _Somewhere_ , deep down, there is a crack and with too much pressure, you _break_. So, if you want to know, _that’s_ why I find it hard to look at you. Well part of why. Too many bad memories.”

“And what’s the other part?” Rose’s Doctor asked, stubbornness on his face, and the New Doctor sighed deeply and then started to rummage around in all his pockets. 

“Hang on, I’m sure I’ve got it here somewhere…”

“Got what?” Rose asked, but then the New Doctor said “Ha!” and held out his hand, on the palm of which laid a diamond in two pieces, split down the middle.

Rose’s Doctor stared at it, involuntarily taking a step backwards as he abruptly turned very pale.

“No,” he whispered. “No, that’s… that’s not possible.”

The New Doctor’s eyes drifted to the gem he held. 

“It’s a long and rather complicated story. All you need to know is that on the night of Christmas, a star fell from the sky. The star was a diamond. And the diamond was a white point star.”

“How…” Rose’s Doctor still looked ready to faint, and Rose was beginning to get thoroughly fed up with all the crypticness.

“Is either of you going to explain anything about what this all _means_?”

“The white point star is only found on one planet – Gallifrey,” her Doctor said, voice barely above a whisper. “Which means… It was the Time Lords. The Time Lords returned.” 

He was still watching the diamond as if it was going to jump out of the New Doctor’s hand and eat him alive, and Rose shook her head.

“But – isn’t that good?”

The New Doctor shook his head, a soft, sad smile on his face, and his grey eyes ancient and tired.

“The Time Lords weren’t ‘collateral damage’ in the Time War, Rose. The war… _changed_ them. So I destroyed them, just like I destroyed the Daleks, because what they were planning was just as deadly.” 

“Oh,” she said quietly, eyes of their own accord finding their way to her own Doctor, who was studiously avoiding her gaze – and she was yet again hit by the realisation that she might love him, but she still knew so very little. 

“What happened?” her Doctor finally asked, and the New Doctor sighed.

“I picked up a gun, and I fought.”

Rose’s Doctor swallowed, and grasped her hand so hard that she almost cried out in pain. 

The New Doctor either didn’t notice or pretended not to, picking up one half diamond and studying it carefully.

“I’d had my death foretold a good while beforehand, mind you, and had been running from it for months. Oh, it was a long, lonely, dark year, where I couldn’t see beyond my own pain - good riddance all told.” 

He sighed and lifted his head. 

“Rose?“

“Um, what?” she said, and realised that he was holding out a half diamond towards her.

“I think you should have this.”

“But- but I can’t-“

“I want you to have it. You could make it a family heirloom. Something to pass down the generations, so they know where they came from. I think that would be rather fitting, don’t you?”

“I… um, thank you,” she said and held out her hand, for a second feeling the cool touch of his hand as he carefully laid the gem in her palm.

“Sweetie? I hate to interrupt, but our window is closing.”

River’s voice cut through the moment and they all nearly jumped, turning to the curly haired woman who now stood outlined in the doorway. As she took in the scene she tilted her head, then quizzically turned to the New Doctor.

“Don’t _I_ get a diamond?”

“Not this one,” he replied somewhat curtly, depositing his own half back in the pocket where it had come from.

“Lucky for you that I’m not the jealous type,” she remarked, and he frowned.

“Wait. You said our window was closing. That shouldn’t happen for another twelve hours.”

“Have a look for yourself,” she said, holding out her comm unit. He glanced at it briefly before stalking out of the room, muttering that he needed to check things properly in the TARDIS. 

“No need to thank me by the way,” River called after him, turning back to Rose and her Doctor with a fond shake of her head, seeking out Rose’s eyes.

“I have honestly no idea how you cope with having him around 24/7 – I’d go absolutely out of my mind.”

“Oh that’s… not a problem at all,” Rose replied, turning to her Doctor, noticing the way his smile returned and finding herself unable to help her own smile widening in response.

“Actually, Doctor,” River said, “I’d like a word with Rose in private. Would you mind?”

“Um- no, sure,” he said, giving Rose's hand a squeeze and then walking out of the room, leaving Rose alone with a woman she couldn’t work out at all, and who quite frankly unnerved her a great deal. But she held on tightly to the Gallifreyan diamond in her hand, and took a deep breath. She’d seen eternity, no way was she going to be intimidated now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks! Hope you have enjoyed this little tale. <3

For a moment they stood in silence, then River tilted her head, looking Rose over, a strange smile on her face - the sort of smile you shared with someone who was in on your joke. Rose didn't feel she was in on anything.

“It's funny…” River began, clearly choosing her words with care. “The Doctor once asked me what I'd tell you, if we ever met. Obviously thought he was just joking. But… even so, I _did_ think about it now and again - just in case he wasn't. The thing is that now you're actually here I can't remember any of the clever things I was going to say. Probably for the best, though.”

Rose nodded, since that seemed the most logical thing to do, and River sighed.

“Really, I suppose it can all be summed up in two words: _Thank you_.”

Whatever Rose had been expecting, this hadn't been it.

“What for?” she asked, mystified, and River smiled gently.

“For saving him, of course. For being there, and just being you, when he needed you. Without you, goodness knows where he'd be. Dead, probably. Which would mean that I never-”

She shook her head and took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm her emotions.

“I think what I wanted to say is… He has travelled with _so_ many people, but there are very few like you and me. Because choosing _him_ every time comes with a price that most people balk at - and rightly so, probably. And yet, I'm sure you wouldn't change a thing. Am I right?”

Suddenly, Rose understood River's smile. ( _I made my choice a long time ago…_ ) 

“Oh yeah, you're right,” she said, an answering smile spreading on her own face. She'd barely had time to meet any of the Doctor's other Companions when they'd fought Davros, and her Doctor had later explained that they all had lives of their own anyway. Now and again she'd wondered how they walked away - _her_ choice had always been 'forever'…

River looked around, then sat down on the sofa, patting it.

“Come sit down, let's have a proper talk.”

“But… Didn't you say your window was closing?”

River chuckled. “I… exaggerated a bit. There's a good half hour until we need to leave.”

At the look on Rose's face she laughed. “Oh come on - don't tell me you never stretch the truth a little when you need to manage him?”

Rose bit her lip, trying to curb a grin, and sat down as instructed.

“Now,” River said, “tell me all about that time you destroyed the Daleks.”

***

Back on Bad Wolf beach. Again. Studying the pale sand on the huge new circular screen, Rose didn't think there was a single place in any universe that she hated more, and half-wished they'd said their goodbyes along with her mother and Tony back at the mansion. The New Doctor however made straight for the door.

“You know, I've never had a proper look around. Tyler, would you mind joining me? After all, it _is_ named after you!”

She was used to people using her surname at work, but it still took Rose a few seconds to realise that he meant her. Then the New Doctor stopped still in his tracks, holding up his index finger, looking from Rose to her Doctor.

“I just realised that you both, independently, destroyed the Daleks. There's a rather neat symmetry to that, don't you think? Although I really _do_ wish they'd not keep coming back.”

“The Daleks came back? _Again_?” Rose's Doctor asked incredulously, but the New Doctor had already stepped outside, leaving River to shrug resignedly.

After a second Rose cautiously followed the New Doctor out the door. Considering that she'd have classed 'Knowledge of the Doctor' as one of her top skills, this latest version was a constant surprise.

Once outside she swiftly caught up with the New Doctor who'd started slowly walking, taking in the landscape. When she was level with him he turned and looked at her, eyes brimming with something she didn't understand (surely he wasn't still thinking about Daleks?), a smile lurking in the corner of his mouth. 

“We have a secret, you and I. Just the two us. No one else in the whole universe knows. Not even him.”

He nodded back towards the TARDIS which contained Rose's Doctor, and she smiled nervously.

“We do?” 

It wasn't that she didn't believe him, it just seemed… odd. “How? I mean, what is it?” 

Was she supposed to know? And how could it be something that her own Doctor didn't know? The New Doctor studied her carefully.

“Do you remember New Year's Eve, 2005? You were walking home with your mum, and after she'd left a random drunk talked to you.”

Rose's brow creased as she cast her mind back, but it was all a bit hazy.

“Yeah, I think so…”

“Here. Let me,” he said, reaching out and laying his fingertips on her temples.

And then she _saw_. 

The memory sprang forth, bright and vivid - and she gasped as the combination of voice and half-shadowed figure hit her.

“Doctor!” she whispered hands clasped over mouth, as he let his hands fall, watching her, head tilted.

“I was… seconds away from regeneration. But I needed to see you once more. Just once.”

She nodded, shell shocked, hearing _'I bet you're gonna have a really great year'_ in her mind and trying not to choke. 

But the New Doctor smiled.

“Rather poetic, don't you think?”

“Poetic?” she asked, still reeling from the revelation, and having to fight to reconcile the dying man in her memory with the living one in front of her. How could he be so… _calm_? 

“Well I think it is poetic - you were the first person I saw after I was born, and the last before I died. Unless-“

He frowned.

“ _Unless_ you count Ood Sigma, but I _don't_ think I'll do that. Excellent fellow in his own way, but he doesn't exactly have the sort of face you want to have in your mind as you're dying.”

“…Right,” she said, swallowing against the swell of emotions. Oh God he'd been dying... _Her_ Doctor - the _real_ one, not this new one - all alone, just like she'd feared… And now he just stood there, talking as if it was just some quaint old memory, as if- 

She could feel some kind of wall come tumbling down inside, feelings and accusations that she'd never been able to throw at her own Doctor because it wasn't him who'd- And it wasn't fair to do this now, when he'd just shared a precious memory, but when would she ever get the chance again?

“Doctor?” she said, trying to steel her voice. “Can I ask something?”

“Of course,” he answered, amiable and friendly, and she swallowed.

“Do you remember when we met Sarah Jane?”

He nodded, all encouragement.

“I asked you then if- if you'd ever leave me behind, like you had her, and you said no, not me. But today… Today is going to be the _third_ time you do it.”

“But… aren't you happy here?” 

He was studying her with a frown, and she threw her hands up in frustration.

“That's not the _point_! You _promised!_ You said that I was _different_ , that you wouldn't do that to _me_ , but-“

She turned away, trying to control the angry tears in her eyes. 

“Oh Rose,” he whispered, lightly touching her chin and turning her face towards him.

“I lied. I'm sorry. If it's any kind of consolation, I was lying to myself too. After everything I… I wanted to believe in forever, just once. And well… you _did_ get a Doctor of your own in the end. One who can keep the promises I always break.”

“I suppose there is that,” she admitted. “But… he's not you. Well he is, but he isn't. Not now. And I-”

The gentlest of smiles touched his mouth and he brought up both hands, cradling her face.

“Rose, Rose, Rose. I've told you this before, but I think this time you might actually listen: If you want to remember me, then you can do one thing. That's all. _One_ thing. Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a _fantastic_ life.”

He watched her, so close she could have leaned in and kissed him if she wanted - and maybe it was the fact that his eyes were grey, again, or maybe it was the fact that the words brought back that first, real, goodbye (he'd been just a projection, sending her away to save her…), but she suddenly found the tears she'd held back earlier taking over, her whole body shaking as she sobbed like she had the first time she stood in Bad Wolf Bay. (She _hated_ this beach.)

Despite everything - the stupid new face, the odd clothes and the strange companions - he was still her Doctor, somehow. Her Doctor that she'd been willing to sacrifice everything for, repeatedly, because all she wanted was _him._

He pulled her into his arms as she cried, softly stroking her hair and making little shushing noises, much like her mother used to when she was little, and when she'd calmed down, brought out a huge handkerchief. 

“Oh dear. Better clean you up a little or I fear I shall get into trouble with your husband."

"Thanks," she said, blowing her nose and oddly enough not feeling stupid at all. Then he took her hand - and it was different, and yet OK, and they walked back to the TARDIS. As they got closer the door opened and Rose's Doctor stepped out, for a second faltering a little as he noticed their entwined hands, but the New Doctor laughed and propelled her forwards, letting her go. 

Gratefully clasping her own Doctor's hand, she saw that he still looked a bit… tense. 

“I've been talking to River,” he said, watching the New Doctor.

“Or rather, she's been talking to me. She… seems to like teasing… us.”

The New Doctor chuckled.

“She does rather, yes. Although she's got reason to be cheerful - this is her first trip since she was released from Stormcage.”

Rose's Doctor stared.

“ _Stormcage_? Why on earth was she in Stormcage?”

The New Doctor studied him levelly.

“She killed a man.”

“She _what_?”

Shell shocked would be too kind a word for the look on her Doctor's face, and Rose shot the New Doctor a stern look. It wasn't nice to tease. She'd just got her head around River being someone she could understand…

But the New Doctor completely ignored her scolding look and instead smiled, studying her Doctor, something dancing in his eyes.

“A _good_ man,” he continued. “The best man she has ever known.”

“No… _No_ ,” Rose's Doctor slowly shook his head, before he turned and looked at the closed door to the TARDIS, as if River would magically appear.

“But how? Why? That's…”

He looked the New Doctor over, disbelieving, from floppy hair over the bowtie and hands crammed into trouser pockets down to sturdy black boots, and back up again. The New Doctor was still smiling.

“No idea. But it makes for an interesting future, don't you think?”

For a second Rose's Doctor watched him in silence, then shook his head firmly. 

“No.” 

“Excellent!” the New Doctor replied happily, slapping Rose's Doctor's arm. “Knew that Donna-ness would be good for something. No point to your life if you're pining after mine.”

The TARDIS door opened, and Amy's head appeared.

“Sorry to interrupt the mutual admiration, but River says that we've got to go - unless you want to stay here for good and have some kind of threesome. Which she won't blame you for, she just wants to know.”

The New Doctor blinked.

“Oh no. No no no. What a thought.” He turned to Rose. “Um... no offence.”

Shooting Amy a look, he held up a finger.

“Just one more minute.”

“Okey-dokey!” she said, and disappeared again.

The New Doctor looked at them both. “There were so many more things I was going to tell you, but nevermind. However, I do want you to have _this_.”

He stepped up to Rose's Doctor and rested their foreheads together for a moment, fingertips to temples, eyes closed.

Something like a sob escaped Rose's Doctor and the New Doctor's eyes opened, a smile on his face, as Rose's Doctor abruptly grabbed hold of him, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and the New Doctor patted his back.

“Thought you'd like to know.”

Rose's Doctor nodded, face buried in his other self's shoulder. After another second he slowly let go, aiming for a smile but not quite succeeding.

“Good luck with it all.”

“Thank you,” the New Doctor said, “and likewise.”

He spun round and then opened the TARDIS door, before stopping in the doorway and turning to look at them. For a second it looked as if he was going to say something, but he only winked - like they were all in on some brilliant secret - and then the door closed.

Rose grasped her Doctor's hand as the wheezing engines started up again, before the most wonderful blue box in the world disappeared. The wind blew her hair in her face like always, and she tried her best not to cry again. 

“What did he show you?” she asked after a moment, and her Doctor swallowed.

“Memories. Stories. All those who used to be mine, their wonderful lives, people that were lost, that he saw again…” His voice trailed off, clearly too moved to continue.

Then the realisation hit that they were once more stranded on a Norwegian beach with no way of getting home. (Stupid, _stupid_ one-way teleport!) Rose was just about to complain about this when she noticed something in the sand where the TARDIS had stood.

“Look!”

She stepped forward, realising that it was a small gift box and a letter addressed to the two of them.

Picking up the box, she gave the letter to the Doctor, and he studied the red writing with a frown, before tearing open the envelope and reading the message inside out loud.

_Remember to treat her with great care. And behave yourselves._

_The Doctor_

Rose frowned.

“That's a bit… patronising, isn't it?”

But her Doctor wasn't listening. Something wild and joyful suddenly lit up in his eyes as he stared at the box. 

“Open it,” he whispered.

“As you wish,” she said, removing the silk ribbon and lifting off the lid.

Inside was a small golden-glowing… _something_. Gently picking it up she thought that it felt strangely new, yet familiar, in the same way the New Doctor's hand had. 

“What is it?” she asked, confused, as the look on her Doctor's face suggested that he might just be on the verge of exploding. 

“It's a TARDIS,” he said, and even though she didn't understand yet, she eagerly responded to his rapturous kiss.

***

“And they lived happily ever after,” the Doctor said contentedly, as the TARDIS shuddered and the couple on the beach vanished from the screen.

There was something about his tone of voice - a strange surety - that made Rory take notice.

“And how do you know that?” he asked warily. 

River chuckled.

“Oh you had a little sneak-peek, didn't you Sweetie?”

The Doctor didn't answer, just smiled knowingly and turned a dial.

“Hang on,” Amy said. “Did we just leave them stranded on a beach in Norway? How are they going to get home?”

The look on the Doctor's face showed that this problem had clearly never occurred to him.

“Well they've managed well enough in the past,” he said, a little defensively, and Amy shook her head.

“Well, it's good to know that you leave _yourself_ behind too.”

“Good point,” River chimed in. “There's poetic justice in there somewhere.”

Amy's eyes narrowed, and Rory prepared himself for whatever was coming next. He knew that look far too well.

“Say River,” Amy began, “what do you think about stealing the TARDIS and leaving _him_ behind for once?”

“It has… possibilities…” River said slowly, as the Doctor began wagging his finger at them.

“Now that's… quite enough of that. You know, Rose never… _ganged up_ on me!”

“That's not what Sarah Jane says,” River sing-songed, and the Doctor sighed deeply, and turned to Rory.

“Rory. Would you be so kind as to be the voice of sanity in this madhouse? Where would _you_ like to go, now we're back in our own universe?”

Feeling somewhat self-conscious, Rory nonetheless did have a wish.

“Um... Rose mentioned this Glass Pyramid? I can't remember exactly...”

“The Glass Pyramid of San Kloon! _Excellent_ choice, Rory. Hold on everybody - here we go!”

Not much later they were walking down the streets of an alien planet, and Rory tried not to be too overwhelmed at the _ease_ with which these things happened. He should be used to it by now.

River was busy explaining the history of everything around them, and it took a while before Rory realised that the Doctor had fallen behind. Letting Amy and River continue - arm in arm and laughing over something Rory hadn't heard - he slowed his steps until he was level with the Doctor. 

He was worried that maybe this hadn't been a good idea after all - surely the Doctor had to have a lot of memories from his previous visit… and yet he had agreed so readily that it seemed foolish to question his decision. 

Still - it had to be incredibly hard seeing a woman you loved married to a copy of yourself. Rory tried to think of what would have happened if plastic-him and real-him had ever co-existed, and Amy would have had to choose… It made for a very painful image, although one that helped him understand some things better. But he wanted to be sure.

“Doctor?” he started cautiously and the Doctor turned to him, shaken out of whatever thoughts he'd been lost in.

“Yes Rory?”

“I was wondering, if you don't mind me asking, but… If Rose and the other Doctor hadn't showed up on the beach… would you have gone to see them?”

There was a long silence - so long that Rory began to feel distinctly uncomfortable - before the Doctor finally answered.

“No.”

Rory slowly nodded, his hunch confirmed. 

“So… when Amy and I leave we won't see you again… Unless you drop by accidentally?”

The Doctor stopped, his hands looking as if they were popping invisible bubble wrap, and eyes studying Rory with great seriousness and sadness.

“No. Looking back is… too difficult. Sorry.”

Rory nodded again. 

“I understand. I… thought that might be the case. And don't worry about it - I'm sure we'll be fine.”

“Thank you Rory.” 

Then a sudden bright smile lit up the Doctor's features, like sunshine on a cloudy day, and he reached out and patted Rory's arm. 

“I really truly hope you'll be as fine as can be. _Especially_ -”

Whatever else he was going to say was lost as Amy shouted at them, telling them to 'Come on! Look what we've found!' and they had to run to catch up with the girls, whose discovery - not surprisingly - led to yet another adventure. 

But that is a story for another day.

The End


End file.
